Trigger warning: This story mentions grief, depression, suicidal thoughts, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.
Long before Sofie built the life she has now, she was just trying to cope with a devastating loss. In 2010, she lost her mother to breast cancer. She struggled deeply with the grief and felt near suicidal. Needing someone to talk to, she connected with a man online. He helped her feel better, and when they finally met, it felt like love at first sight. Looking back today, Sofie realizes it was not a healthy kind of love.
By the following summer, they decided Sofie should move in with him and his mother. What seemed fine for the first month quickly shifted. As Sofie mentions, his mother very sneakily began to control every aspect of her life. She dictated the household entirely, even setting strict bedtimes and deciding when Sofie was allowed to sleep, regardless of how late she had been working.
It took about three years before Sofie truly saw that this dynamic was never going to change. Unfortunately, she remained stuck there for nine years. There was no physical violence, but the mental abuse was severe. Sofie felt worn down and minimized. She was depressed, and this left her feeling so trapped that she could no longer picture a life for herself outside of those walls.
It was her biological father who helped her move out. In secret, Sofie began smuggling her belongings to her workplace in paper bags, hiding them in cabinets where her ex and his mother would not look. Her boss and colleagues supported her wholeheartedly. In early 2020, she finally got the keys to her own apartment and escaped. She initially tried to make the relationship work, but he continued choosing his mother over her, and they finally broke up.
Life went on, but Sofie had a massive amount of trauma to work through. Later that year, she shares that she was sexually abused by her biological father.
It took a whole year before she felt safe enough to confide in one of her older sisters. When she did, she learned that all six of her sisters had been abused by him as well. A year later, Sofie spoke to her younger sister, who could never understand why Sofie had always tried to mend the family’s relationship with their father. Sofie had to share the truth that she simply had not remembered. The recent abuse had triggered repressed memories from her own childhood, bringing the reality of what happened to the surface.
It was incredibly difficult to process, but having that open conversation healed her relationship with her sister immensely. Her sister finally understood that Sofie was not defending him out of malice; she had genuinely blocked out the trauma. By this time, Sofie had also met her now-husband, who stood by her side and comforted her through the darkest revelations.
Around 2022, her older sister suggested that Sofie try practicing gratitude to help develop a more positive mindset. She tried using the internet to find writing prompts but struggled to build a routine. Then, she began using the Gratitude app for structured prompts and it helped her. Sofie intentionally started this habit of journaling and actively looking for positivity in different areas of her life. Sometimes it meant finding something as small as acknowledging that she did not snooze her alarm and got up straight away.
Today, Sofie has a steady routine. She also keeps a small journal by her bedside. Every day, she writes down three things she needs to improve and three things she is grateful for. Together, these small steps have helped her weave positive thinking into her life, keeping her from falling into negative spirals.
“It doesn’t mean I have to wake up happy with a spring in my step every day. It’s just that you have to be able to see the possibility of being happy.”
~Sofie
Of course, Sofie still has bad days and patterns she is struggling to unlearn. She still feels some resentment that she is working to accept and let go of. But now, even on tough days when everything goes wrong, she can come home and focus on the good. She is grateful to come home to her husband, to sit on their sofa surrounded by her pets, and to feel their love. The biggest change is how her mornings start. She used to wake up not wanting to live. Now, she wakes up with a neutral or positive feeling. She sees possibilities instead of just lost chances.
For anyone going through something horrible, Sofie wants them to know that no one is ever truly alone. She believes there is always someone in your life, even if it is just someone you say hi to by the coffee machine at work, and she encourages trying to focus on that connection.
She advises building a secure support network wherever you can, focusing on possibilities, and practicing gratitude for the simplest things.
“Count every smallest win, because the longer your win list is, the more positive you will feel. There is nothing more gratifying than to check off something from your list. It will really help boost your confidence”
~Sofie
By choosing to write down her wins and focus on the good, Sofie is quietly and bravely building a beautiful life.
This is Sofie’s story, told beautifully by her and curated in its truest form by me to share with you.
I would love to hear your story.
Write to me at preeti@gratefulness.me 💌Â
Every story is a reminder that a grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.
Recent Comments