How To Build A Safe Space Within

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What does a safe space truly feel like?

I imagine it as a space where I can be myself completely, express myself and my thoughts, emotions, and needs as they are, and not have to comply with rigid expectations of who to be. Too vague?

Think of the last time you cried openly in front of someone, could make weird faces and laugh with someone, could discuss your deepest thoughts and feelings without fearing any judgment, or could seek support and ask for help without feeling like a burden. If anyone comes to mind, they are your safe space. If no one comes to mind, could you become your own safe space?

Personally, I have incredible and supportive people around me, but when I think of the people I can completely be myself and express myself around, I find that a highly limited number of people come to mind. So lately, this is exactly what I’ve been working on: becoming a safe space for myself.

For the month of pride, acceptance, identity, and belonging, I’ve been wondering what truly makes me feel accepted as I am, and how I can become someone who is more accepting, compassionate, and understanding of herself in times when someone else may not be there for me.

Let’s dive deeper into these ways of building a better relationship with yourself where you feel safe being seen as you are.

1. Bring awareness to your self-talk and let it help you adopt a new perspective in difficult times

Our self-talk, the way we speak to ourselves, can be our biggest strength even when we may not have anyone by our side. A lot of your unhelpful thinking can be reframed and challenged, and with practice, an uplifting, encouraging, and supportive inner voice may begin to show up. In difficult times, this habit can do wonders for your growth and healing while opening you up to new perspectives and ways out of a situation with more clarity than you’d feel if you were clouded by harsh thoughts.

Here are a few examples:

• If I lose this opportunity, I may never find another one like this again. ➡ If I lose this opportunity, I may find a better one that’s more aligned with me because I’m capable of it.
• I’m so lost and confused, I’m not sure if I’ll ever find what’s meant for me. ➡ When I’m feeling lost and confused, it could mean I’m free to explore what path feels like mine. I can trust my pace and take the next step that feels right.
• I cannot get through this situation, it feels so overwhelming. ➡ This situation may feel overwhelming right now but this is temporary and will pass. I have experienced and been through such moments before and I trust myself to get through this as well.

When you become accustomed to catching, bringing attention to, and then reframing or questioning your unhelpful thoughts, it starts becoming more natural and automatic to think in more supportive and balanced ways, helping you out of situations you never thought you could handle. Remember, the only person you’re going to spend your whole life with is yourself. Isn’t that a good reason to begin being kinder to that person?

2. Treat your emotions like visitors who are just passing through

When we begin welcoming our emotions, a lot of things start to shift inside us. Resistance drops away. Acceptance flows more naturally. And you begin feeling a sense of lightness within.

Emotions are often accompanied by thoughts and sensations. When we are feeling something, these three parts may make up our experience: emotion, thought, and sensation. Whenever you notice these coming up, try simply welcoming them, validating their presence, listening to them like they’re a visitor, giving them what they need, and letting them go in the ways that feel natural.

3. Allow your preferences, identity, and feelings to exist without immediate justification

Feeling safe within also means that you stand for who you are. You don’t need to justify, explain, or shrink yourself. If you’re used to doing this, begin by first identifying when and where you do this most, and take small steps to pause before justifying or explaining your needs, identity, preferences, or feelings.

When you’re alone or in silence, let these come up as they are and try experimenting with ways of expressing them. For example, if you feel like you hide your emotions, begin by expressing them openly to yourself while looking in the mirror, or if there’s anger you want to express, try dancing it out. This lets you simply be who you are, in the safest space there is: yourself.

4. Spend time around things that make you feel grounded, calm, joyful, and just like yourself

One of the most fun ways to become a safe space for yourself is through play and pleasure. What if you deliberately did the things that truly brought you joy, the ones that make you smile from deep within? What if you consciously made time for those things that make you feel most like yourself? Doing this would show that you can trust yourself because you take your joy seriously 🤍

5. Start journalling your thoughts, reflections, and truths without hiding from yourself

For long periods of time, I wasn’t sure who I was at my core. I used to journal in large diaries and notebooks to figure it all out.

Once a therapist told me to write my name in the center of a page and write down all my strengths around my name. That’s how I started noticing the strengths I never paid attention to. That was one step toward understanding myself, what kind of person I really was, and reinforcing my belief that I was capable and exceptional in ways I hadn’t seen before.

Journalling has been the best companion I’ve had all my life. It has made me highly introspective, observant, and understanding of myself. Journals can be the best of friends when you let them. And writing all that is within you, waiting to come out, can be the best gift you can give yourself.

When you’re in the process of writing, you cannot lie to yourself for long. And that’s what I love about journalling. Truths that overbearing thoughts or emotions may have blurred often become clearer when you write for yourself.

If you’d like to begin journalling as a practice, I’d recommend starting somewhere you’re reminded to show up for yourself every day, like the Gratitude app.

6. Practice expressing yourself to others in small, safe ways

Once you begin feeling more comfortable being authentic and expressing yourself safely, you can slowly start practicing this with others. It could begin by expressing what you really think, feel, or need in a situation, pausing before dismissing your emotions, and choosing to communicate assertively with others instead. This is how you show yourself that you can be trusted, that your voice matters, and that your needs deserve to be met.

7. Acknowledge your strengths and growth as much as you pay attention to your weaknesses and mistakes

Sometimes the power of our inner critic can blind us to our own goodness. We may feel caught up in our perceived mistakes and failures so much that we forget to see the other side.

I believe mistakes and failures are just lessons, opportunities for growth and learning, or tiny portals into a different path. Every failure I have experienced felt huge to me in the moment but turned out to redirect me entirely, onto a path I couldn’t have imagined. Because my path was so unique and larger than these tiny “failures,” it was just a lesson learned, as a new path opened up from them.

When we practice seeing more of the ways in which we’ve grown, we find that there is so much to be grateful to ourselves for. You’ve come a long way, haven’t you? Why not acknowledge that you’re worthy of so much despite all the mistakes you may make and the failures you may experience?

When you become comfortable with acknowledging your strengths and growth, you’re on your way to becoming your biggest cheerleader! ✨

8. Identify, reconnect with, and fulfil your basic needs without guilt

When your basic needs aren’t being met, you can only begin to change that once you’re able to identify, stay connected to, and fulfil them without guilt.

In many cultures and societies, we may have been conditioned to constantly accommodate other people and their needs, or to dismiss, shrink or invalidate our own. Over time, we may find it difficult to even read our bodily cues, or know what our mind is in need of, what our emotions want from us, or what spiritual ritual is going to make us feel grounded. Guilt can feel overwhelming when you first start prioritizing your own needs, but it must be done. Caring for yourself better, knowing and giving yourself what you need, and building a safe space within, will become possible only if you let that guilt subside and let the calmness of reconnection take over. Forming a trust-filled relationship with yourself is how you build that safe, comfortable space inside, one where you can simply be yourself.

You can begin right now: rest for hours in ways that feel like rest to you, become unavailable for social outings for a month, follow a simple, yet disciplined sleep routine, begin eating more nourishing and warm meals, set reminders to drink as much water as you’d need, set strict time boundaries for work, deactivate all social media accounts and explore gentler ways to give your brain the stimulation it seeks, commit to one ritual for your mental health for two weeks, stop doing things out of obligation to others, or just let yourself be in silence. These are just a few examples. You could explore what feels most helpful in fulfilling your basic needs, without guilt.

If you’d like to journal about identity and sit with parts of yourself more deeply, I’d love for you to try the 7-day Embracing Myself Challenge I put together with prompts written just for this.

This is how I’m on my way to building a kinder, more compassionate, and safer space within myself. What do you think about these ways? Which ones would feel helpful for you? What would you add? I’d love to know your answers and reflections from this blog. You can write to me at piyusha@gratefulness.me 💌

I hope this helps you become a kinder, safer, and more compassionate space for yourself, where you feel free to exist, express yourself, and simply be who you are 🌱 Until next time 🤍