Trigger Warning: This story mentions unhealthy family dynamics, anxiety, and depression. Please read with care.
Gabrielle was not born into a healthy family dynamic. As she grew up, she kept looking for the kind of stability and family connection she felt was missing. Throughout her adolescent years, she always had friends, but something was constantly missing because her home life was so unstable. When she became a young adult, she started chasing the things she thought would finally bring her a sense of stability, like having a steady job and an apartment. Eventually, she realized that material things were not really fulfilling what she needed inside.
She decided to go to therapy. She did not know exactly why she wanted to be there at first. When her therapist asked why she came, Gabrielle simply said she wanted to make sure she was okay. Her therapist pointed out that she had a stable job, an apartment, and was doing well in life, but Gabrielle still did not feel fulfilled. She stayed with that same therapist for six years. She was creating connections outside of her family, but she felt they were not always the healthiest because she was so used to unhealthy dynamics. She was still learning how to build a healthier environment for herself.
“When you really start to pay attention to your own environment, you start to realize that everything that you have is really in front of you.”
~ Gabrielle
As time went on, she remained in therapy on and off. She started paying close attention to the ups and downs of her finances and friendships. She was also dealing with anxiety and depression and recognized that some of her decisions had been shaped by what she was going through at the time. Having time to reflect on all of this, she decided to practice gratitude and begin journaling. Around that time, she came across the Gratitude app and started journaling there. She used the prompts to reflect on different parts of her life and began looking at some things from a different perspective.
Gabrielle realized she had been very hard on herself while trying to build stability and understand what a support system should look like. She learned to stop comparing her life to someone else’s. Sometimes people look at others and wish they had that life, but she learned that her life was hers to take hold of. She became grateful for simple things, like being able to sit in her living room and look out the window, take a shower, feed herself, go to the store, or go for a walk. To her, those simple abilities became a form of true wealth and joy.
“Happiness is circumstantial, joy is more internal. I am learning to embrace joy more than just focusing on happiness.”
~ Gabrielle
She finds it grounding to simply be in the present moment. She has a television in her living room, but she does not turn it on. She prefers to sit with herself and understand how she is feeling when she wakes up. Lately, she has also wanted to try creative writing. She had been in school for ten years and told her therapist she wanted to tap into her creative side.
Gabrielle remembers being much more anxious during that period of her life. She questioned her decisions and often felt unsure or nervous. She held herself back from doing new things and embracing opportunities. She also operated from a place of perfectionism because she had a lot of responsibility at an early age, which carried into adulthood. She was hard on herself whenever she made mistakes. Over time, she has become calmer and more comfortable with herself. She has also learned what helps her when she feels anxious. She still feels some nervousness when trying new things, but she is able to move forward and feel more comfortable with her decisions. She has more confidence in herself and has learned that making mistakes is part of learning.
“Just embrace your environment, embrace your life. Never compare yourself, because the minute you start comparing your life to someone else’s, you start chasing all the wrong things.”
~ Gabrielle
Today, Gabrielle is a therapist herself and continues to grow professionally in that work. She is also exploring her creative side through writing and hopes that sharing what she has learned might help someone else who reads it. She continues to explore her own personal space and try new things while enjoying the peace she has built.
This is Gabrielle’s story, shared in her own words and curated with care to preserve its truest form. I’d love to hear your story too. Write to me at preeti@gratefulness.me 💌
Every story is a reminder to notice the good that already exists.
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