The definition of self-care may differ for everyone, but eventually it boils down to this core understanding: the awareness, acceptance, and respect for your own needs.
True self-care requires first realizing what you truly need, and then choosing to honor that need rather than neglecting it. For example, to fulfill a need for connection, you might stop isolating yourself under the guise of being ‘too busy’ and instead make time for a friend, even if it’s only once every two weeks.
As we’ve known in previous blogs, self-care and self-love appear in many forms like emotional, mental, or body-based. But does self-care always look and feel pleasant, aesthetic, relaxing or convenient?
Most healing and growth truly begin when we step into the muddy waters of our mind and begin cleaning out our unhelpful tendencies that are protecting us or causing us to neglect our needs. This looks like unlearning the inability to say no, confronting the fears that keep us ‘playing small,’ and dismantling the perfectionism that protects us from judgment but keeps us exhausted.
When Self-Care Feels Inconvenient
The real work begins when we move beyond performative self-care and into the actions that are uncomfortable or inconvenient, but necessary for our long-term wellbeing.
This may look like:
- Slowly starting to set boundaries at your workplace that you’ve been agreeable with for years.
- Asking for help when you’re used to doing everything alone.
- Beginning to sleep earlier to care for your body, even when you wish to procrastinate on it.
- When a conflict arises, learning to pause and respond, while staying engaged in the conversation much longer than you used to.
- Pausing before engaging in unhelpful habits that are not supporting your wellbeing, and redirecting yourself.
- Taking tiny steps to learn how to feel, accept and express your difficult emotions instead of forcing yourself to stay positive.
- Doing the hard things that you know will help you care for yourself like moving your body often.
- Becoming more mindful of the tendency to feel responsible for other people’s emotions when you’re not responsible for them.
- Letting go of unrealistic expectations you have placed on yourself.
- Giving yourself permission to move at your own pace instead of constantly comparing yourself to others.
- Saying no to a request even when you worry about disappointing someone.
- Admitting to yourself that something in your life is no longer working for you.
- Creating distance from conversations that repeatedly trigger stress or self-doubt.
- Letting yourself rest instead of pushing through exhaustion to stay productive.
- Limiting time spent on habits that numb or distract you when you’re overwhelmed.
- Consistently journalling your thoughts and beliefs, and reframing them into more supportive ones.
- Getting professional help if that feels like a supportive option in exploring what may help you.
- Taking a break from people or environments that consistently drain your energy.
- Taking responsibility for a mistake and allowing yourself to learn from it instead of criticizing yourself harshly.
Real Self-Care
Real self-care may not feel the best at first. But over time, it helps us feel lighter, restored, and balanced. Real self-care is simple and consistent, supportive rather than draining, and responsive rather than performative. Real self-care tends to your actual needs and gives you the kind of support you deserve. It helps you return to yourself.
It may not always be about doing more, but simply about returning to your most authentic self and respecting that version of yourself and your needs.
If you feel ready to begin or continue caring for yourself in deeper ways, remember this: We do not start doing this work by setting unrealistically high expectations for ourselves. But we have to start somewhere to feel better, safer and more fulfilled within.
Be patient with yourself as you navigate these deeper waters; you are worth the effort it takes to heal and grow. 💌
Prompts for exploring next steps that feel right:
- What does self-care mean to me? (Write here)
- What does self-care look like for me lately? (Write here)
- What challenging steps might help me care for myself better? (Write here)
- In what ways can I become softer to myself? (Write here)
- What is one helpful action I’ve taken to support my needs? (Write here)
- What is one boundary I can commit to maintaining starting today? (Write here)
- What is a habit that can help me better support myself? (Write here)
- What change am I willing to make for my wellbeing? (Write here)
- What can help me in practicing self-care when resistance shows up? (Write here)
- How would the most authentic version of me care for myself? (Write here)
If this reflection brought anything up for you, you’re welcome to write to me at piyusha@gratefulness.me. I’m always open to hearing your thoughts and suggestions for future topics.
I hope this encourages you to approach self-care with more patience, depth, honesty, and compassion for yourself. Until next time 🤍
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