All of us naturally like to express, experience and receive love in different ways. The concept of love languages gives us a deeper perspective into how we can better communicate our love within our relationships. But before we begin understanding how to express our love with others, why not start within?
What are love languages?
The concept of love languages was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor and author, through his work with couples. Over time, he noticed that many people deeply cared for one another but still felt misunderstood or emotionally disconnected. Often, the issue was not a lack of love, but a difference in how love was being expressed and received.
Based on these observations, Chapman described five common love languages:
- Words of Affirmation: Feeling cared for through kind, encouraging, or appreciative words.
- Quality Time: Feeling valued through presence, attention, and shared moments without distraction.
- Acts of Service: Feeling loved when someone helps, supports, or lightens your load in practical ways.
- Physical Touch: Feeling connected through safe, comforting, and affectionate physical closeness.
- Receiving Gifts: Feeling seen through thoughtful, meaningful presents that symbolize love, care and remembrance.
These categories were meant to help people understand the ways they naturally communicate care and what makes them feel most valued.
Love languages do not need to be rigid or limited to one category. Most of us experience care in more than one way, and these needs can change over time. When turned inward, this concept becomes a simple tool to understand how we feel supported by ourselves.
What is your self-love language?
Let’s dive into understanding what your self-love language may be:
1. When I feel emotionally drained, what helps me most?
A. I speak kindly to myself or write encouraging words
B. I take time alone without distractions
C. I do one small task that makes life easier
D. I create physical comfort through rest or grounding
E. I choose something thoughtful for myself
2. On a difficult day, what feels most supportive to me?
A. I remind myself that I am doing my best
B. I step away to be fully present with myself
C. I take care of something I have been avoiding
D. I offer my body warmth, movement, or rest
E. I choose something meaningful or useful for myself
3. When I think about self-care, what comes most naturally to me?
A. Gentle self-talk and reflection
B. Protecting time and space for myself
C. Helping myself through action
D. Listening to my body’s needs
E. Choosing small, intentional rewards
Notice which letter you chose most often. This can offer insight into the kind of care that helps you feel most supported by yourself right now. You may resonate with more than one, and that is completely okay.
What this hints about ways you can show love to yourself:
If you chose mostly A: You feel most supported by Words of Affirmation. This means that speaking kindly to yourself, offering reassurance, and practicing compassionate self-talk help you feel grounded and cared for.
Some ways to practice this are:
- Write yourself one kind sentence each morning.
- Pause and replace self-criticism with supportive language.
- Keep a note of reminders you wish someone else would say to you and paste them on places you visit often.
- Repeat affirmations that matter to you out loud while looking at yourself in the mirror.
- Write a letter to yourself every month about the memories you’d like to remember from the month and every quality, skill or behaviour you felt proud of yourself for.
- Each time you manage to do something difficult, say one or more of these out loud to yourself, even if it feels awkward at first: “Good job, my love,” “I’m so proud of you,” or “Wow, I am incredible.”
- Give yourself a pep-talk while pointing out every thing you’ve done well yet, or every strength of yours.
- Journal all your unpleasant or unhelpful thoughts and write beside them what you’d like to think instead.
- Create a habit of acknowledging your efforts, including through tools like the Gratitude App.
If you chose mostly B: Quality time matters most to you. This means that being fully present with yourself, slowing down, and protecting quiet moments helps you reconnect and feel balanced.
Some ways to practice this are:
- Being fully present with yourself, slowing down, and protecting quiet moments.
- Spend a few minutes with yourself without multitasking or scrolling.
- Take a slow walk or sit quietly and notice your thoughts without fixing them.
- Create small pockets of time that belong only to you.
- Take more time out to do things that bring you joy and pleasure, like hobbies or learning new things.
- Sitting with your emotions without rushing to distract or fix them.
- Journaling to understand your thoughts rather than judge them.
- Creating small daily rituals that help you feel present.
- Choosing rest or stillness when your mind feels overstimulated.
- Letting yourself enjoy your own company without the pressure to be productive.
If you chose mostly C: Acts of service may feel most supportive to you. Taking practical steps that ease your future, even small ones, helps you feel held and supported by yourself.
Some ways to practice this are:
- Doing small things that make life easier for your future self.
- Taking care of a task that has been avoided for a while.
- Preparing something in advance to reduce stress later.
- Organizing your space to feel calmer and supported.
- Creating a routine that offers structure when things feel overwhelming.
- Following through on a promise you made to yourself.
- Choosing rest when exhaustion shows up instead of pushing through.
- Asking for help when needed without self-judgment.
- Simplifying your day instead of overloading it.
- Making choices that support long-term wellbeing even if they feel uncomfortable.
If you chose mostly D: Physical touch plays an important role for you. Rest, movement, and gentle attention to your body help you feel safe and regulated.
Some ways to practice this are:
- Give yourself a butterfly hug every morning.
- Engaging in yoga or other movement practices.
- Stretching or breathing slowly during moments of tension.
- Creating warmth through blankets, showers, or warm drinks.
- Getting a stress-relieving massage whenever you feel the need to.
- Having a calming skin care routine that you practice mindfully.
- Placing a hand on your chest or body during overwhelm.
- Prioritising sleep and recovery.
- Responding to hunger, fatigue, or discomfort with care.
- Creating a physically comfortable environment.
If you chose mostly E: Receiving gifts resonates when rooted in intention. Choosing something meaningful, useful, calming, or nourishing for yourself helps you feel seen and loved.
Some ways to practice this are:
- Buying your favourite flowers for yourself without a reason or special occasion.
- Choosing one small item that improves daily comfort, such as a notebook you enjoy writing in or a mug you like using.
- Saving something meaningful for yourself instead of waiting for someone else to gift it.
- Marking personal milestones with a simple, intentional purchase.
- Replacing impulsive shopping with a planned, thoughtful choice.
- Gifting yourself experiences like a quiet café visit, a movie alone, or time off.
- Repairing or upgrading something you already use instead of buying something new.
- Allowing yourself to keep or use something special rather than saving it for later.
- Receiving gifts from yourself without guilt or justification.
- Letting gifts reflect care, practicality, or emotional significance rather than distraction or escape.
So what’s one way you can start showing yourself love that actually feels right?
If this reflection brought up anything you would like to share, you can write to me at piyusha@gratefulness.me I am always open to topic suggestions and would love to know what you would like to read more of on this blog!
Hope this helped you with connecting and helping yourself. Until next time!
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