At the beginning of this year, I decided I wanted to sell everything I owned and move out of the U.S. My journey began with work I had lined up to teach yoga in Costa Rica. After my work there ended, I moved to Mexico in hopes of finding a place to call home.
During my time in Costa Rica, I meditated daily to manifest a new safe space to live in and a healthy, loving relationship. With a simple Google search, I landed in a beautiful small beach town on the Oaxacan coast. Within days of arriving, I met a man I felt a deep connection with, and our love story began. Shortly after, I found a lovely space to begin teaching yoga. It was as if everything aligned perfectly. I was on cloud nine and felt invincible.
But just as quickly as things fell into place, they began to fall apart. There were rumors of sexual abuse at the space where I was teaching yoga, and the partner I was seeing began to emotionally abuse me. My world crumbled. I felt defeated and naive for believing in the illusion of a perfect life. I quit teaching yoga, ended the relationship, and was left feeling like a shell of the expansive, loving person who had first arrived in this beautiful town.
The drastic shift from feeling so high to crashing so low sent me into a period of depression. I cried almost every day and felt guilt and shame for being so sad in one of the most beautiful places I had ever been. I thank my strong meditation practice for getting me through this difficult time. Every morning, I began with a self-love meditation, EFT tapping, and loving affirmations. I wrote myself love notes daily to remind myself that my worth and happiness did not depend on anything outside of my inner world. It felt fake at first, but slowly, I began to believe the words I was writing.
My heart started to heal and expand again. After a lot of reflection, I realized that everything happening to me was exactly what I needed. I needed a light to shine on the wounds I still carried around intimacy and self-love. I needed these painful experiences to show me how powerful I truly am and that all the love I need is already inside me. I had to break down in order to rebuild a version of myself that feels whole and complete.
With this newfound love for myself, I know that wherever I decide to land next will feel like home, because I have finally found my home within.
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