I am Sandy, a single 52-year-old woman who has a mental illness, but I am pretty. All my life I’ve been pretty, and I used my looks to get by and to make money. I never thought that one day, my looks would be gone. I never developed personality traits beyond that. I was just “pretty.”
Sooner or later I got older and wasn’t the “pretty girl” anymore. I lost my identity and didn’t know who I was anymore or what I had to offer. I set out on a journey of self-discovery and, more importantly, self-acceptance and self-love.
It was hard to love myself at first. I was faced with parts of me that I didn’t want to face, parts of me that were less than desirable to me. I learned to accept those parts and to embrace the whole woman I was. I learned to give myself rest, time, and reflection to heal and to grow. I accepted myself and loved myself through the ugly times and embraced my flaws as part of being human. I learned the art of self-control, as I didn’t act out in anger or with self-deprecating statements like I used to. I was learning more and more about myself and was finally discovering me.
Later on, I discovered my talents. I learned that I could write stories and opened my own company. I opened my home and made a studio in it where I paint. I discovered I loved art and got myself some beautiful pieces of work to put in my apartment. I learned that I am a sensitive, fragile woman who has amazing strength to overcome hurdles in my life. I learned that I like to walk long distances and that I am loyal, compassionate, passionate, driven, and honest. I realize now that where once I thought I was “garbage,” I now see myself as a person of value and worth. I like myself today, and I’m constantly growing and evolving.
I am grateful for the articles and podcasts about self-love that helped me through. I’m grateful for the courage and strength I have to face myself and the dark parts of me. I’m grateful for the opportunity made available to me to grow, discover, and heal. I wouldn’t be the same today without those things.
I think gratitude, for me, enabled me to see positive aspects of myself and my life that I otherwise would have overlooked had I been focused on my depression and negativity. It paved the way for hope to come in. With hope, I began to desire and go after things I wanted, things I wouldn’t have believed before. I believed that my mental health could improve and that I could be successful and healthy. With all the gratefulness I was discovering in myself, I learned that I have so much. I have come so far and have had really amazing experiences in life that led me to a place of stillness, where I could just bask in this knowledge without always having to achieve or produce to be valuable.
I was whole, beautiful, and worthy just as I was in that particular moment.
It turned my thoughts around. It gave me the wings I needed to fly.
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