Throughout my childhood I experienced many things that never aligned with happiness. Most of my positive memories are tainted by the extreme violence caused by domestic abuse and alcoholism in my home. As I grew into my teenage years, life only became more difficult. The rage I carried inside me, combined with the pain of going home to a place that made me want to disappear, kept me in a dark cycle. In that darkness, invisibility became something I learned to love.
Much of my time during those years was spent in the juvenile detention center in Orlando for various reasons, and I often found myself in mental health facilities as well. In those moments, I assumed I was worthless and undeserving of real warmth or care.
When I entered adulthood, I still had not made any real changes. I ended up in an abusive relationship myself. After five years of mistreatment, everything reached a breaking point when he nearly took the lives of me and my one year old daughter. He pushed me off the top of the stairs while I was holding her and then tried to kidnap her. That was the moment I realized that being alone was better than being dead, and better than risking my daughter growing up without me.
I stayed single for a while and focused on becoming the best mother I could be. Eventually, I met a wonderful man who showed me what healthy love truly means, and we have been married for nineteen years. Every moment, whether good or painful, led me somewhere I do not regret, because it brought purpose into my life.
My life should have ended many times, yet I am still here, which tells me my path was never an accident. Using all the love I was never given, I overcame the odds stacked against me. I went on to become a case manager at a Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault center. I worked with the CASA program advocating for children who shared similar childhoods to mine. And I am still moving forward, refusing to stop. Today, I run the Pathways to Possibilities Program mentoring children in Nashville, Georgia, providing character building to elementary students I love very much.
The word gratitude was not in my vocabulary growing up, but it has become one of the most powerful forces in my adult life. My regrets no longer have a place in my world. Every moment I lived shaped me into someone who can help break down the walls children build to protect themselves from hurt and pain, or from the monster they may return home to each day.
I hold gratitude deeply, because it allows me to use my story to understand the truth of trauma in children. It allows me to show love in places I once held anger and isolation. It teaches me healthy and productive ways to respond to painful situations that I once would have avoided. These challenges have turned into changes through self-acceptance, self-awareness, accountability, and daily journaling. Although I just started using this app, I know there is always more work to be done.
To anyone facing similar hardships, remember that the work you put in can create something amazing, not only for you but for others as well.
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