I used to avoid looking in the mirror. It wasn’t because I didn’t like my reflection, but because I didn’t like who I was becoming. I was constantly criticizing my body, overthinking every food choice, and second-guessing myself in every room.
My life looked fine on the outside. But inside? I was drowning in disapproval, and it was costing me my peace, my energy, and my ability to heal.
What I didn’t realize then was that healing doesn’t begin in your pantry or your fitness tracker. It starts with a word. The words you say to yourself when no one’s listening.
The Weight Of Words
Many of us are searching for the “one thing” that will unlock all the doors. That one shift that will turn suffering into healing. That one word that might bring despair back into hope.
But here’s something most people overlook: the human body can’t heal in a state of stress. And when you blame your body or spew hate towards her, your path to healing becomes very bumpy.
Negative self-talk triggers fight-or-flight responses within the body, which can lead to things like inflammation and chronic stress. And that, my friend, is what brings healing to a screaming halt. This isn’t woo woo, it’s science.
A recent study found that adults who were exposed to psychological trauma in their early childhood years experienced similar responses in their bodies to those with physical trauma. Even worse, these responses can lead to long-term biological effects.
So, if your symptoms seem to go into overdrive during stressful situations, or if you feel stuck despite doing everything right, this might be why.
When we look at the words we speak to ourselves and how we treat our bodies, it’s easy to see the connection. This isn’t just about thinking happy thoughts. This is about forming new connections in your brain, setting the stage for a healthy lifestyle.
Common But Damaging Patterns
Let’s take a closer look at how these negative self-talk patterns show up in real life.
“I’m just lazy.”
“Nothing works for me.”
“I’m a mess.”
Maybe these thoughts feel familiar. If so, you’re not alone. These negative thoughts are often defense mechanisms. They prepare you to fail so the blow isn’t so painful if you don’t reach your goal.
In reality, you’re failing ahead of time, just to soften the potential blow later on. But it’s still failure. And it still hurts. And that is often more comfortable than actually not getting the result you want.
Our thoughts become our beliefs, and our beliefs shape our behaviors.
“Perfectionism Is Just Fear In Fancy Shoes.”
This is a quote from author Elizabeth Gilbert. She so eloquently illustrates an internal struggle many women face: The pressure to be perfect. This often shows up in real life by setting extreme expectations of ourselves and others, which, when we can’t live up to those expectations, leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and not-enoughness.
Chasing perfection can be exhausting.
Imagine you’re going on a road trip. A few hours into your trip, you make a wrong turn, and now you’re not sure which direction you need to go. In the world of perfectionism, you would simply turn the car around and go home. But in reality, one wrong turn wouldn’t call for such drastic measures. Instead, you might restart your GPS, stop and ask for directions, or just go in the direction you think is correct.
If we can give ourselves grace on a road trip, why can’t we do the same for our everyday struggles? If healing starts with a word, then the following are the first three to practice. Not perfectly. Just daily.
3 Daily Practices To Rewire Your Inner Voice
Learning to ditch the negative self-talk isn’t something that happens overnight. In fact, you may never completely rid yourself of those thoughts. But with a little practice, you can teach yourself to recognize them, reframe, and course-correct.
According to a study conducted by UC Berkeley, just 20 seconds of compassion can shift your physiology more positively.
Here are three simple practices to help foster more gentle self-talk:
The “Best Friend” Test: When you catch those harsh thoughts in your head, ask yourself, “Would I say this to my best friend?” More than likely, you wouldn’t tell your friend she might as well just give up. Or tell her she’s never going to figure it out. Start being your own best friend.
Reframe judgment into curiosity: Catch those judgy thoughts and turn them into, “What do I need right now?” I used to stand in front of the mirror and mentally tally what I hated about my body. Now, I ask, “What do I need today?” Sometimes it’s movement. Sometimes it’s rest. That shift changed everything.
Use the power of affirmation and gratitude: Challenge your inner critic to say something positive during times when your mind tends to go negative. For example, if you’re struggling to figure out something and the thought “I’ll never figure this out” comes to mind, recognize it, and then reframe it to, “When have I figured something like this out before?” By affirming our abilities, we can turn those positive experiences into the evidence our minds need to move forward kindly.
As a challenge, try one day of intentional kind inner dialogue. Just one. Use the practices above, if they feel right to you, and see what begins to shift.
Start Today
You’ve been your own biggest critic for long enough. Let’s change that, starting today.
We were meant for great things. There are plenty of negative things going on in the world, but when we choose to intentionally focus on being more positive, those around us notice, and we begin opening up new possibilities.
If your inner critic has been steering the ship, it’s time to take the wheel back. Speak softly. Speak kindly. And start healing, one word at a time.
Lindsay Little is a health coach with a master’s degree in Holistic Nutrition from the American College of Healthcare Sciences. She founded Full Bloom Acres Wellness, where she helps women 40+ ditch the bloat, fight the fatigue, and cut the hormone confusion — without another diet, detox, or doctor who doesn’t listen. Learn more at https://www.fullbloomacres.com/
Find holistic Coaching in the Spirit of Change online Alternative Health Directory.
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