“Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” — Earl A. Grollman
Over many years in my work, I’ve witnessed how grief shows up not just emotionally, but throughout our entire physiology. When we experience loss — whether the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the collective losses our world faces — our bodies respond with the same intensity as any physical injury.
Grief triggers our stress response systems. Heart rate changes. Digestion slows or becomes erratic. Sleep patterns shift. Muscles carry tension we didn’t consciously put there. This isn’t weakness or dysfunction; it’s our organism responding to a profound disruption in our lives.
Understanding this whole-body experience of grief helps us see why plant allies can offer such meaningful support. Herbs work with multiple systems simultaneously, addressing both the physical manifestations of grief and the emotional weight we carry.
The Many Faces Of Grief
Most of us are grieving more than we realize. Beyond the obvious losses of people we love, we carry anticipatory grief for what we know is coming, historical grief from ancestral trauma, collective grief from community losses, and ecological grief as we witness environmental destruction.
Grief is also profoundly nonlinear. We can feel grateful and heartbroken simultaneously. We can laugh with friends while carrying deep sorrow. This isn’t contradiction; it’s the complexity of being human during difficult times.
As herbalist and teacher Rosemary Gladstar often reminds us, plants have been our allies through every human experience since the beginning. They don’t take away our grief — and we wouldn’t want them to — but they can help us carry it with more grace.
Heart-Centered Herbs For Grief
When grief sits heavy in the chest, certain plants work specifically with both the physical and emotional heart:
Rose (Rosa spp.) is perhaps our most important grief medicine. Rose helps us stay open-hearted while protecting our boundaries — essential when loss makes us want to close off completely. It’s cooling and anti-inflammatory, helpful when grief feels hot and overwhelming. A simple rose petal tea, rose glycerite, or even the scent of roses can provide comfort during acute grief.
Hawthorn (Crataegus spp.) supports both physical heart function and emotional resilience. In traditional herbalism, hawthorn is known for mending broken hearts — literally and figuratively. It’s especially helpful when grief or trauma has impacted our ability to trust or feel safe opening our hearts again.
Motherwort, known as the “mother’s herb,” helps when we feel emotionally overwhelmed or unsupported. Its Latin name Leonurus cardiaca means “lion-hearted,” reminding us of the courage required to grieve fully.
Nervous System Support During Loss
Grief activates our sympathetic nervous system — the fight, flight, or freeze response. Over time, this chronic activation depletes us. Nervine herbs that calm and nourish the nervous system become essential allies.
Chamomile (Chamaemelum nobile) is an exceptional herb for bringing calm, soothing digestive discomfort from a nervous belly, and aiding in sleep. I consider it a “gateway herb,” as it’s familiar to most and easily accessible at almost any grocery, hospital cafeteria, or corner store.
Grief activates our sympathetic nervous system — the fight, flight, or freeze response. Over time, this chronic activation depletes us. Nervine herbs that calm and nourish the nervous system become essential allies.
Linden (Tilia spp.) offers heart-centered calm, particularly helpful when anxiety accompanies grief. This tree medicine has a long tradition in European herbalism for soothing emotional distress, and is an excellent ally for sleep. Its heart-shaped leaves evoke the imagery of its medicine, and its sweet flavor brings sweetness to difficult emotions.
Milky oat tops (Avena sativa), collected when the oat seed is milky, provide deep nervous system nourishment. Think of them as building materials for frayed nerves. They work best taken consistently over weeks or months, supporting our capacity to navigate ongoing grief.
Skullcap (Scutellaria lateriflora) eases anxiety and calms our thinking — especially when we are afflicted with “monkey mind” — the racing, obsessive thoughts that can accompany loss. When grief manifests as mental chatter or replaying painful memories, skullcap offers relief.
The Immediate Crisis Moments
Sometimes grief arrives as an acute wave — a sudden memory, an anniversary, an unexpected reminder. For these moments, we need gentle emergency support:
Lavender (Lavendula angustifolia) is remarkably accessible and versatile. Whether as tea, essential oil on a handkerchief, or added to a bath, lavender quickly calms acute distress.
Rescue Remedy, a Bach flower essence blend (also called Five Flower Formula), is a preparation specifically designed for crisis states. Keep a bottle in your bag, your car, your bedside table, and utilize 3-5 drops during times of acute stress to bring the body and mind back to center. It’s safe for all ages and provides energetic support when emotions feel overwhelming.
Creating Ritual And Relationship
Your relationship with the plant is as important as its chemistry. The ritual of brewing tea, the act of taking time to tend to yourself, the sensory experience of scent and taste — these all contribute to the healing experience.
Consider what plant allies you feel drawn towards and create simple patterns in times of peace: “When grief feels heavy, I make rose tea. When anxiety keeps me awake, I make linden tea before bed.” These established rituals become easier to access in moments of stress.
Beyond Individual Healing
Our individual healing and collective healing are interconnected. When we tend our own grief with plant allies, we increase our capacity to support others who are grieving. This is especially important for caregivers, healthcare workers, and anyone supporting loved ones through illness or dying.
As Jack Kornfield reminds us: “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” Using herbs for our own grief isn’t selfish; it’s essential infrastructure for showing up for others.
When To Seek Additional Support
Plant allies are powerful tools for emotional wellbeing, but they are not substitutes for professional mental health care. If grief becomes paralyzing, if you’re experiencing thoughts of self-harm, or if you’re unable to function in daily life, please reach out to a mental health professional for immediate support. You deserve support, and help is available. Reaching out is an act of courage and self-care.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988, call or text, 24/7
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral and information service)
In many ways, grief is love with nowhere to go. Plants help us create containers for that love — through ritual, through nourishment, through the simple act of caring for ourselves as tenderly as we would care for others.
The plants are here for us. They’ve been here through every human experience, every loss, every transition. And we are here for each other, learning to grieve with grace in a world that often asks us to move on too quickly. May we all find the plant allies that support our unique grief journeys, and may we remember that tending our hearts is sacred work.
Emily Ruff is a community herbalist and death doula who has practiced the art and science of plant healing for 25 years. Her studies have taken her around three continents where she has studied under healers of many traditions, including an apprenticeship with renowned herbalist Rosemary Gladstar. Emily is founder of the Florida School of Holistic Living and Orlando Grief Care Project, and now serves as Director of Sage Mountain Botanical Sanctuary in Central Vermont. Contact Emily via www.SageMountain.com.
Find holistic Herbs & Herbalists in the Spirit of Change online Alternative Health Directory.
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