Letting go doesn’t mean we have to get rid of something or someone. To let go means to let be. When we let something just be with compassion, things come and go on their own. — Jack Kornfield
We all know what it is like to let go of someone or something that is dear to us. Recently I experienced this concept of letting go, as I have many times. This time it was my father, who was passing on from his life here. As he wrestled with his personal feelings about what was to come once he passed, and where he might be going after he left his body, I could see it made him fearful, holding onto what was familiar.
I could subtly hear his fears in conversations we would have, and I would share what I knew about the afterlife. Although our viewpoints were different, and it was not always comfortable to speak of such things, I would share from my perspective.
My father, from an older way of thinking, found it difficult to believe in anything other than the present situation. I, on the other hand, understand the afterlife differently from many years in practice with soul regression and energy work. I tried always to assure my father that letting go would benefit him, and might be better than the pain he was presently in. Inevitably, it was I that had to let him go…
Holding onto pain doesn’t change anything in a positive way. Often times, it actually makes things worse. Wishing things were different doesn’t make it so. In some cases, especially when it comes to the past, all you can do is accept whatever it is you’re holding on to, and then let it go. Reinhold Nieburhr an American theologian, may have said it best: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
We must let go of what is hurting, even if it feels impossible. Letting go will release the burden. You will feel lighter, and more empowered. Holding onto the past will hold you back from creating a greater sense of yourself — a false identity — which is not who you are or want to be defined by.
Here are a few ideas to help you in letting go.
“I can’t expect more from people than who they are and what they can give.”
It was a soft voice that whispered this in my ear, and it’s my favorite phrase, so I keep this pinned where I can see it to remind myself. Things don’t always go as planned and people aren’t always what we want them to be. And that’s okay. You may need to be more aware of yourself and your part in a relationship or situation. Know what is triggering your feelings at each moment. To help your heart shift, practice gratitude, appreciation, and trust in the process, and remember to be kind to yourself.
Be open to how the chips fall.
It’s best not to be tied into the outcome of things, because that often can lead to disappointment. Realize everything is for a purpose, and you might not always understand what that purpose is. This is where trust comes into play. Take time to breathe and ground yourself if you experience an outcome less than what you desired, and wait to respond until you feel more clarity. Create a healthy boundary for yourself and then let go.
You hold the key.
One of the fundamentals in mastering your life is knowing you hold the key. You are in charge of your thoughts and your choices. Empowerment comes with knowing you cannot let yourself be defined by your limited beliefs. Allow your mind to expand into who you choose to believe in from this moment. Anything from the past doesn’t matter as you are creating from this present moment.
Make yourself the focus of your feelings.
Sometimes we live by what others think is valuable or for their approval. This is not helpful thinking and turns into unfavorable behavior. Make yourself the focus in evaluating how you think and feel inside. You are most important in that department. At the end of the day, it’s your life!
Learn from a mistake, then let go.
Have you ever said or done something you consider stupid? I know I have, and wished I could take it back, but unfortunately that’s not possible. It’s like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube; it’s impossible. You can only go forward. But we can learn from our mistakes; after all, that’s the purpose of making a mistake — not to beat yourself up. Mistakes are not stupid. You’re human (and so is the other person who might think you’re stupid!), so you can expect to make mistakes.
Honor your loss.
Honor yourself. Allow yourself to feel those deep, powerful emotions. We all have them; no one is exempt. Whether you lost a loved one through death or a break-up of a relationship or something you wanted, honor your loss. Don’t try to ignore or cover up your feelings inside, as you will continue to suffer. Let yourself feel! Go through the grieving process. You may even experience numbness or pain in a certain part of your body. Sometimes talking to a person you can trust is helpful. You may not need advice at that moment, but need an ear to listen to your feelings.
Forgive.
Especially when you’ve been hurt by a loss, resentment and unwillingness to forgive can keep you stuck in the past. What’s important to remember is when you forgive someone, you aren’t only doing it for the other person, you’re also doing it for yourself.
You are not what others say you are; those are only opinions. You are not your pain, your past, or your feelings. Carl Jung said “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” Letting go enables you to learn from your mistakes and choices, and grow into a stronger sense of self.
Laurie Wheeler has served as a transformative holistic practitioner, a conduit and interpreter of energy, and catalyst for spiritual journeys for over 30 years. She works in several energy modalities, as her soul is an aspect of a collective and multidimensional lineage. She also hosts retreats globally to Glastonbury, Egypt, Hawaii, Mt. Shasta, Mexico and other places. She can be reached at www.WellnessWithin.net.
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