This past Sunday our priest, in her sermon, took us all in The Way Back Machine to a collective event called “Hands Across America,” (1986) in which millions of Americans made a chain from the East Coast to the Pacific ocean to affirm our underlying unity even as we struggled with our social and political divisions. Here is a clip that captures The Hands Across America Event (5:25).
Yes, we had — and still have — problems of division. But, as Doctor Martin Luther King strived to help us realize, violence is not going to make those problems go away (7:48). Rather, as our priest reminded us this past Sunday, “It is only commitment to non-violence that makes the world safe for conflict to emerge and finally be resolved.”
When you begin to see that your enemy is suffering, that is the beginning of insight. — Thich Nhat Hanh
So, as I read in yesterday’s Boston Globe that ICE had arrested 18-year-old Milford High School student, Marcelo Gomes Da Silva, who has attended Milford public schools since age 6, I was awash in heartbreak and anger. How did we get from chanting “Hands Across America” to 1,000 demonstrators at Milford Town Hall chanting “Hands Off Our Kids!”? Does anyone really think we made our country safer by arresting Marcelo on his way to volley ball practice, and thus preventing him from taking his place in the school band at graduation ceremonies this past Sunday?!
And what is to be gained by deporting Ming Li Hui — a soccer mom, Waffle House waitress with an autistic child, who has been here legally for 20 years? Does deporting her make us all safer? Who will be next? Your neighbor? My neighbor?
Do we have a collective problem with unregulated immigration? Yes. Is the answer to this problem sending masked men in unidentified vehicles out to town after town to kidnap children and their parents? Absolutely not!
We must face squarely what is going on and call it what it is — government sanctioned lawless violence! And if we do not put a stop to this now it may be too late when your or my next door neighbor gets shoved into an unmarked car with a hood over their head because they went to a rally to shout “Hands off our kids!”
Too far-fetched? Let’s all strive to find in our collective memories the story of what happened not just to the Jews in Nazi Germany, but also to those who opposed their deportation. As someone at Pride Day here in Newton said yesterday, “None of us are safe, until all of us are safe.”
I had hoped that once the pandemic was in the rear mirror we would all get to work at mending the torn fabric of our society. Sadly, that fabric has only continued to fray — close now to laying in tatters — with many fearing it is coming dangerously close to being beyond repair.
And while we fight among ourselves, the planet burns, the wars go on and the children starve. Sometimes I just want to put my head in the sand, and enjoy the “good life” that our family and my neighborhood seem able to continue to maintain … for now. But, in my heart, I know that is not the way forward. True self-care means I must open to feeling the suffering throughout our nation and beyond. And then I have to ask myself, “What small steps can I take personally to heal our shared national and global wounds?”
Three years ago, troubled by increased polarization of our society and feeling the weight of the pandemic, I sent out the mailing below to pretty much everyone I know. The theme is empathy — the foundation for our breaking loose from conflict and moving toward building a nation, and a world, rooted in compassion and cooperation.
My Corona Staycation, Vol #6
Surely, we thought the world would be back to “normal” by now. But even if you are among those who think the pandemic is over, I trust we all know there is no such thing as a return to normal any more than there was a return to the past after 9/11. Conflict between two very polarized perspectives on how to respond to the virus — and so much more — seems is here to stay, as is security checks at airports, metal detectors in so many public buildings, and cameras watching us one city block after another.
And, of course, we are still busy killing each other — and choosing sides about who the bad guys are — as meanwhile, the polar caps melt, rainforests are disappearing, income inequality soars, race relations worsen, the transition to a sustainable planet stalls, and etc., etc.
So, what is the problem here? What keeps us from relinquishing tribalism enough to unify in the interest of our shared desire to survive? How are we ever going to get out of this mess?! Those questions could be accurately answered in any number of ways. But for the purposes of this edition of “My Corona Staycation” I am going to go with a very simple answer, or at least a direction toward that answer. We need to cultivate empathy in all aspects of our lives.
The cultivation of empathy — the ability to see the world from another’s perspective — actually goes hand in hand with commitment to growing in what Buddhism terms “maitri” — a willingness to offer unconditional friendliness toward our selves. We might even call that foundational attitude self-empathy.
If we can bring a little kindness toward ourselves, perhaps we can then make the effort to imagine what it is like to be in the shoes of our life partner, our kids, our parents, our neighbors. What is it like, we can wonder, to see the world through the eyes of a Democrat, a Republican, a Green Party person or a Libertarian? Why do you see the world the way you do if you are Joe Biden, Xi Jinping or Vladimir Putin?
Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying who -— if any of these guys — I share a world view with. I am simply postulating that personal, family, political and global issues have no real chance of being resolved in a harmonious and lasting way until we can deeply imagine what it would be like to walk a mile in another’s shoes.
There is comfort and encouragement to be found in the materials I have curated for you here. I hope you will take the time to fully open to each link and savor its gift.
1. A song to start your day with a smile as you imagine both the world these kids are yearning for and what it is like to be living in their world: “Imagine” (3:00) — the Playing for Change version — that connects us all in a different kind of way: “Imagine” (4:05). Since we are practicing empathy, how about a Deutsch rendition: “Imagine” (2:56)!? And, of course, it’s only fair here to let John and Yoko shed a little light upon the world in their own unique way through the words, notes and emotional texture of their song: “Imagine” (3:53).
2. Videos I would like to see go viral. “Forgive Yourself, Forgive Humanity”(3:32) Empathy is a pathway to forgiveness. Forgiveness in turn helps us to begin tosee the good heart which can be found in all of us. That good heart is there, yearning to be seen, no matter how covered up it may have become from enduring the myriad ways in which we have suffered, and likewise have caused others to suffer. We can numb that good heart. We can hide it. We can wall ourselves off from knowing it is still there and do truly horrible things to one another. Yet nonetheless “It’s In Every One of Us!” (4:55).
3. Links to Allies. Though I have only met her once in person, I think of the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron, as being one of my foundational allies. Her work and philosophy have so powerfully impacted my personal and professional life over the years that I could never thank her sufficiently. Here is a lovely conversation between Pema and Oprah in which Pema offers a simple but very valuable empathy practice: “Just Like Me”(5:29). You can learn more about Pema’s work by linking to The Pema Chodron Foundation.
4. An idea for busting out of The Matrix: After the Buddha’s enlightenment, he offeredthose who would follow in his footsteps a path to awakening into clear recognition of our true self. That path encouraged daily meditative withdrawal from the world, but it also taught how to fully embrace the life we find ourselves experiencing on this strange little rock as it spins around the sun. The essence of the self the Buddha spoke of is not a separate independent self. Rather it is a self that acknowledges interdependence — no separate I — all life connected in a magnificent unity of being!
It is safe to say that we humans only have one fundamental problem — the mistaken belief in separation, the idea that we can or do exist independent of one another. Thus, if we would strive for true self realization, then in our approach to business, politics, family life — and every other aspect of our existence — we will do well to gear what we think and say and do toward ever deepening acknowledgement that “All is One” (1:02).
But might this empathic realization of unity engender passivity, we may wonder? Absolutely not! It inevitably inspires disciplined activism! But that activism then is rooted in our new understanding that we are literally parts of one another — elements of a single indivisible organism. This is what Gandhi understood as he worked to liberate India from the British — watch here “The Gandhi Rap” (4:19) — and what the Reverend Martin Luther King was grounded in as he pressed for racial equality.
Yet the question remains. With an empathic heart, how then are we to navigate conflict — particularly the conflict between nations? Shall we never take up arms, no matter how clearly just the cause may be? What, if anything, can I do to be force for peace with justice when war explodes once again? These are questions I have not yet settled for myself. However I did find that this solemn video, sent to me by someone from my church, helped me shift from anger and outrage to softness and sadness — a step in the right direction, I think: “From a Basement Shelter in Kiev” (1:31).
I still can’t answer my own questions, as I watch the nightly news from Ukraine, but here is a formula to guide us, offered by the Humanity Healing Network, to help us in our search for answers: The 12 Keys of Spiritual Activism (7:10)
It is safe to say that we humans only have one fundamental problem — the mistaken belief in separation, the idea that we can or do exist independent of one another.
Let’s listen to each other. Let’s strive to understand the perspective, and especially the legitimate concerns of those we are vulnerable to the thinking of others as “the not us” or even “the enemy.” Let’s compromise where we can in good conscience. But let’s also demand a halt to all that is cruel and unlawful. Let’s implement true spiritual activism as we commit to nonviolence. Let’s stand in solidarity with the Marcelos and the Ming Li Huis of this moment, and with those who are yet to come.
Want to build a better world? The Caravan of Love (4:01) needs all of us to get on board! Are you ready?
PS — Instead of going to Amazon when you want to buy a book, go to https://bookshop.org. Your purchase will help independent bookstores to stay alive and thrive!
Christopher Gruener, MA, LMHC, is retired from private psychotherapy practice. His hobbies are political rabble rousing, recycling bottles and cans in support of www.Plenty.org, and bicycle-related activities in cooperation with Bikes Not Bombs. Chris also serves on the Board of Directors of the Global Village Children’s Project. He welcomes contact with any reader who may share his passion to provide care for AIDS and Covid-19 orphaned children in Wanyange, Uganda. He can be reached at (617) 965-6552 or at chris.gruener@gvcporphans.org. Subscribe for free to receive his occasional mailing filled with transformational ideas, links, and videos.
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